"…comfort one another with these
words."
Published by:
New Testament Ministries
Printed by:
Lovingly dedicated to the following
loved ones who have graduated to be
with our heavenly Father
Martin Vernon Wilkins, father
Elise Mae Wilkins, mother
Louella Wilkins, wife of 41 years
Hubert Wayne Wilkins, brother
Wanda Jean Wilkins, sister in law
Joseph T. Wilkins, brother
Charles Ungene Wilkins, brother
Jackie D. Wilkins, brother
Lerine Wilkins, sister in law
Kenneth G. Wilkins, bro. in law
Harell “Dusty” La Duw, bro. in law
“…dies, and was gathered unto his
people…”
Genesis 35:29
A GIFT
Of
Comfort
Presented to
___________________________
By Someone
Who cares
___________________________
___________________________
___________________________
___________________________
Date:
Healing Words for Lonely People
Table Of Contents
There is a Better Day (Point to Ponder) 6
Introduction, Loneliness 7
A Universal Problem
The First Step (Point to Ponder) 13
Information From Medical Science 14
Away (Poem) 20
Instructions From The Bible 21
Ingredients Which Will
Change Loneliness Into Happiness 26
Your Friend (Scripture) 30
Your Enemy (Scripture) 33
Miss Me But Let Me Go (Poem) 38
Insight In Visiting The Lonely 42
Now You Pause (Poem) 48
Invitation To A Friend 47
Safely Home (Poem) 49
THERE IS A BETTER DAY
IT WILL GIVE YOU HOPE AND
CONFIDENCE TO KNOW
THAT EVERYONE IS AFRAID
AND PASSES THROUGH
STAGES OF LONELINESS.
EIGHT MILLION PEOPLE
EXPERIENCE THE DEATH OF A
CLOSE FAMILY MEMBER EACH
YEAR IN THE UNITED STATES
ALONE. EACH ONE OF US
HAVE BEEN OR ARE SITTING
IN THE DARK SHADOW OF
LONELINESS.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE —
THERE IS A WAY THROUGH --
TO A BETTER DAY.
Healing Words for Lonely People
6
I. Introduction
Loneliness, A Universal Problem
A Black Cloud Engulfs You
There is no feeling like loneliness - a sick
feeling that possesses your whole being, so
forlorn, blue and empty. It is as if a black cloud
engulfs you until the tears flow and you want to
get away but there is no place to go. The poet's pen
pours forth the sadness of an empty soul while the
song writer echoes the pathos of a broken heart. It
doesn't matter which language or the tongue that
utters their sad message because LONELINESS is
a UNIVERSAL PROBLEM.
It is endured by the young, the old, the rich
as well as the poor. Both men and women of all
colors and races have suffered the torture of this
universal monster because LONELINESS is not a
respecter of persons.
I am a happy person! In fact, you probably
do not know a person who lives a happier life than
I do. But I have had my lonesome times. It has
been a long time, but those times are still very
vivid. As a small child and up until the age of
eighteen, I could not stay away from home at
night. Try as I would, I just could not do it. It did
not matter about the fun things that were planned,
or the promise of excitement of an upcoming
adventure. I could not stay away from home at
night. After experiencing the difficulty of coping
with the loneliness I would not let anyone plan an
Loneliness, A Universal Problem
7
overnight trip for me. I did not tell them the
reason and I would always offer an excuse, but the
plain truth was I could not stand the loneliness.
It Did Not Do Any Good To Pray
As a twenty year old Pastor who only lived
twenty-five miles from my mother and family, I
would get so lonely I could not stay in my room. I
could not concentrate. It did not do any good to
pray. Finally, I would have to make a trip to see
them. I might not spend over five minutes at home.
I would walk into the house, greet my Mom, find
out how everyone was doing, raid the refrigerator
and be gone. I would be OK for a few days but
then I would have to repeat the process all over
again.
That Forlorn Feeling
As a forty-five year old man who was going
to be gone from my wife and children on a short
trip, I would get that forlorn feeling again. I would
be going to a special conference where I was to be
the main speaker. It was something I loved to do
and had looked forward to for months. The day I
left, in order to get over leaving my family, I
would pray, cry and sing for the first two or three
hours as I drove toward my destination. While I
was gone, I would crowd every moment with
things to do, working 16 to 18 hours a day. As I
worked, I would be counting down the time until I
Healing Words for Lonely People
8
would be home again. The last night of the
meeting, I would have my car packed and would
be speeding toward home as soon as I could
gracefully leave. Sometimes I would be home at
the crack of dawn, having driven all night, but,
praise the Lord, I would be home again. Yes, I
know well what it is to be lonely.
Happiness is a Result of Dealing with the Problem
Abraham Lincoln stated that “most people
are about as happy as they make up their minds to
be.” It has been proven scientifically that
happiness or unhappiness is a state of mind. A
wise old friend taught me a little poem when I was
a kid. This poem contains a life changing principle
which helped me tremendously through the years.
Study and memorize it. It may change your life
also:
"For every evil under the sun,
There is a remedy or there is none.
If there is one, seek till you find it,
If there is none, then never mind it."
There are some areas of life in which one
has a choice. If there are alternatives and a person
has a choice then give serious thought about what
would be best to do. But if you find yourself in a
situation and you have no alternative or choice,
then make the best of it. Why gripe or complain
about something you cannot change? Griping and
complaining will only reinforce the problem and
make things worse.
Loneliness, A Universal Problem
9
This same principle is true if you are a shutin
or live alone. If you live alone and are a person
whose friends and family have forgotten you and
there is nothing you can do about it - then why
complain? It will not do any good! Ask yourself,
"Has my complaining caused anyone to come and
see me?" Then why continue doing something that
does not work. But there is a way to live a happier,
more satisfying life; there is a way to change.
If you want to overcome your loneliness,
with the Lord's help, I can help you. But many
people do not want to be helped. For reasons of
their own, they like for people to feel sorry for
"poor lonely me." If you are a part of a "self-pity
party" and want to stay in it, there is nothing
anyone can do to help you. If you want to
overcome loneliness and regain a happy, more
satisfying life, regardless of your circumstances,
then join with us and you will be well on your way
to a happier life.
A Simple Solution Changed Her Life
There may be a simple solution to solving
some person's problem with loneliness. Please
consider the following experience of a dear friend.
Before we get to the principles I wish to teach you,
may I relate a simple solution that changed the life
of one of my friends. As she was leaving our
home, an elderly church member remarked to my
wife, "Since Ben died I just hate to go home. The
house is so big and empty, and it has so many
Healing Words for Lonely People
10
memories... " Two or three months later, and with
our support and encouragement, she sold her
lovely home and relocated in a complex designed
for people of her age and needs. After a short time
of adjustment she overcame most of her loneliness
and resumed living a happy, successful life. In the
retirement complex she met people who gave her
support and understanding. They had Bible
classes, weekly times for games and fellowship
and she made new friends. She was no longer
ALONE. Her loneliness was left behind and
replaced as she entered a new chapter of her life.
Physical Exercise Promotes Good Mental Health.
Man has always known there was a direct
link between the body-mind relationship. It has
only been in recent studies that we have been able
to explain the effects that vigorous exercise has
upon the mind.
Leading researchers found that daily
exercise can reduce stress, improve self-esteem,
and relieve depression.
Part of the answer is chemical. The body
produces endorphins and hormones when
stimulated through brisk exercise. These
endorphins and hormones are our internal "mood
drugs" and are designed to make a person feel
better about himself. They are activated through
exercise.
Part of the answer is substitutional.
When one is having a problem and turns his
attention from the problem and concentrates on
Loneliness, A Universal Problem
11
exercising, it helps him. It takes his feelings away
from whatever is causing stress. It has been proven
that when they finish the period of exercising, one
can generally deal more positively with the
problem.
It may help you. This is a simple
suggestion, but many are finding that it helps
them. Try it--it may be your answer.
Substitute Constructive Effort
Most of the time the devil shoots fears and
criticism of others, and tries to get one to focus
upon their bills, problems with family members or
matters which cannot be solved, while they are
supposed to be sleeping. Instead of laying there
and being bombarded with those worries and
concerns, get up!
Get out of bed and substitute constructive
effort for those troublesome thoughts. Clean the
house; write an encouraging letter to a family
member, friend or missionary. Take up a hobby;
painting and crafts. Do anything but lay there and
let the devil beat-up on you. Instead, substitute
constructive effort.
Healing Words for Lonely People
12
THE FIRST STEP
It would be wise and a
step toward overcoming
loneliness to remember
that the best way to have a
healthy mind is to learn to
accept those things which
you cannot change.
AND STOP THINKING
ABOUT THEM
Information From Medical Science
13
II. Information from Medical Science
In the past generation much has been
learned in medical science about how the mind
works. Much of this knowledge has come through
the science of cybernetics. The science of
cybernetics originally did not have anything to do
with man, but originated as a means of explaining
how machines work. This science has to do with
goal striving or goal seeking. It explains what
happens and is necessary for torpedoes, missiles,
smart bombs, etc. to be programmed to seek, stay
on course and hit their target.
It was through this science and other true
principles taught by medical science that we learn
how the human brain and mind works. The science
of cybernetics does not teach that man is a
machine but that man has and uses a machine. It
teaches man how his mind and nervous system
works and how it can be developed and changed.
The author will use some information from
medical science in order to help people overcome
their loneliness and thus live a happier life.
Physical Exercise Improves One's Health
Medical science has proven that the proper
physical exercise improves one's health regardless
of the person's age. The specialists in Physical
Therapy suggest that one should start slowly and
build up to a regular "habit" of exercise each week.
Healing Words for Lonely People
14
When one enters into an exercise program
his joints and muscles will begin to protest! They
will send messages to the brain in order to get him
to stop exercising! In fact one’s muscles, nervous
system and joints are all going to unify and scream
in their protest. They will send all types of
misinformation (thoughts) into one's mind, such
as;
"You are going to kill yourself!"
"You will have a heart attack!"
"It will not work for you!"
"You cannot do it!"
or "You are too old!"
A person will have to decide to whom he is
going to listen. He will either listen to medical
science and the thousands who have improved
their health, happiness and quality of life through
proper exercise or he will listen to his own
thoughts. One will have to decide who is going to
be the boss in his life. For instance, "Am I going to
continue in my weakness and let my muscles,
nervous system and joints be boss or will I assume
command of my life once again?” One's
motivation often dictates what one does and how
one reacts. Those who knew they should do
something about smoking could not stop until they
developed lung cancer, then they stopped! A
person could not stay on an exercise program until
he had a heart attack, then he assumed command
and was able to not only start exercising but reach
a quality of life he never thought possible.
Information From Medical Science
15
One Can Exercise and Control His Thoughts
Just as one can change his quality of life
through taking control and performing physical
exercises, one can learn to exercise and control
his thoughts. One must resolve to impose certain
restrictions on his thoughts in order to be able to
overcome loneliness.
An Astonishing 95 Per Cent
According to those who have researched
human behavior, at least 95 per cent of our
behavior, feelings and response are habitual. That
is, we do much of what we do through habit and
without thinking.
Habit is the reaction and response which
one learns to perform automatically without
having to think or decide. A pianist does not
decide which key to strike as she plays a tune. She
does it automatically and without thinking. A
professional dancer doesn't have to decide which
foot to move as he dances but the reaction is
automatic. He can do his routine habitually.
The word "habit" originally meant a piece
of clothing or garment. Please do not confuse
"habit" with "addiction." One can change a
garment or habit but one must have help to change
an addiction.
Habits Can Be Changed
HOW THE HABIT OF LONELINESS IS
Healing Words for Lonely People
16
LEARNED. As a person lives and gets older
things begin to happen to interrupt their normal
routine. Someone dies, loved ones move away or
there are misunderstandings. A person begins to
suffer from various disappointments or from poor
health. There seems to be more bad days than
good days and more battles lost than battles won.
Then comes more bereavements or unanswered
questions and a person begins to expect the worst.
Little by little one’s focus switches from the
positive to the negative. Then one's thoughts begin
to center on "me", "on self”, "on my problems".
Finally one begins to major on how bad things are
and before you know it he has fallen into the habit
of LONEliness.
Just as one can change a garment one can
change the habit of loneliness. There are things,
conditions and facts present in the world and in
everyone's life at all times which could be used to
"justify" either a pessimistic and dismal outlook,
or a happy and optimistic outlook, DEPENDING
on ones choice. How one feels will depend largely
upon how one reacts to a situation. How one feels
is a matter of what one chooses to focus on. It is a
matter of what thoughts one allows to come into
his mind. A person can give in to his feelings and
feel sorry for himself, or he can see the positive
side of things such as how much better off he is
than many others and thus be happier.
Change That Dirty Shirt
Most people can change a lonely-downhearted
thought pattern just like they can change
17
from a dirty garment into a fresh clean garment. It
may not be easy but you can work on controlling
your thoughts and build a constructive new way of
life.
A Good Question, Who’s the Boss?
On one of the modern day television
sitcoms which pokes fun at a non-functional
family, a startled outsider observing the total
confusion of the featured family asked, "Who's the
boss here? Who is in charge in this family?" The
audience roared with laughter as the television
camera zoomed in for a close-up of the four year
old who answered, "I am."
As ridiculous as this may sound, it
demonstrates the disorder in many families. This
also illustrates the question which a lonely person
must decide. Who is in charge in my life? Am I
in charge of my thought pattern or am I the
victim? A clever writer may picture the total
break-down and confusion of a dysfunctional
family as a laughing matter but in real life it leads
to disaster.
Who Is The Boss In Your Life?
The lonely thoughts which dominate the
thought pattern are the boss and they are in charge
in many lives. God did not intend for these lonely
thoughts to be in charge and for the person to
suffer their domination any more than He intended
for a four year old to be in charge in a family.
Healing Words for Lonely People
18
Although the principles in this booklet
would apply and help anyone in any situation, if
applied, please remember we are not addressing
this remark to someone who recently lost a loved
one through death. We are speaking to those who
have been living under the cloud of LONEliness.
Each person must decide, "Who is the boss? Who
is in charge of my thoughts - my life?" This is the
starting point to living a happier, more satisfying
life.
19
AWAY
I cannot say and I will not say
That he is dead--he is just away!
With a cheery smile and a wave of the hand
He has wandered into an unknown land,
And left us dreaming how very fair
It needs must be since he lingers there.
And you--O you, who the wildest yearn
For the old-time step and the glad return,
Think of him faring on, as dear
In the love of There as the love of Here.
Mild and gentle as he was brave-
When the sweetest love of his life he gave
The touches of his hands have strayed
As reverently as his lips have prayed;
Think of him still as the same, I say;
He is not dead--he is just away!
(James Whitcomb Riley)
Healing Words for Lonely People
20
III. Instruction from the Bible
The Bible clearly teaches that one can
control his thoughts. There are many references
which teach this truth, but we will only give three
simple references which command that the
individual is to take control of his thinking or
thought process.
Let This Mind Be In You
In Paul's writing to the Saints at Philippi he
commanded them to "Let this mind be in you
…" Phil. 2:5. The word Let shows permission or
control. She let the cat into the house. The teacher
let the student speak freely on the subject. A study
of the usage of the Word "let" in this verse reveals
that the person is in control of his mind or
thoughts. He can permit dismal thoughts to occupy
his thought pattern, or he can do as this verse
commands; "Let this mind be in you, which was
also in Christ Jesus."
Bring Into Captivity
The next reference teaches that a person not
only has the power to control whatever thoughts
come into his mind but he has the ability to take
control of his thought pattern. Paul tells the
believers which make up the Corinthian Church
that with God's help they can overcome all the
thoughts which are shot into their mind.
Instruction From The Bible
21
"Pull down the strong holds”
"Cast down the imaginations"
"Capture every thought"
Please study carefully his exact words from II
Corinthians 10:4-5.
The strong holds referred to here are the
dismal lonely thoughts which make a person a
prisoner in his mind. This causes him to think
there is no hope or solution to the problem.
The imaginations are all false beliefs about
the person's helpless solution. In his imagination
he sees "monsters" or scary situations where the
person sees himself as alone, unloved, abandoned
and facing a scary uncertain future. In his
imagination he sees himself a prisoner, living
without hope or chance of parole.
One Can Capture Every Thought
Please read for yourself about the ability
which one has in taking control of his thoughts -
"(For the weapons of our warfare (in our mind)
are not carnal (human), but mighty through
God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
casting down imaginations, and every high
thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge
of God, and bringing into captivity every
thought to the obedience of Christ;" II
Corinthians 10:4-5
Healing Words for Lonely People
22
These verses clearly show that the believer
can pull down the strong holds which are only in
his imagination (mind) and can control or capture
all the lonely thoughts which come flooding into
his mind and change them.
Think On These Things
Apostle Paul writes in Philippians of his
happiness from a dungeon where he is a prisoner
bound in chains. He is there because he was
falsely charged and lied about by his enemies. If
any man ever had a reason to feel sorry for himself
and be down-hearted or lonely Paul did. But out of
this dark prison comes Paul's surprising comments
concerning his state of mind. He proclaims; "I
rejoice in the Lord greatly." This statement is
strange and startling! Paul is in prison; he is facing
certain death, but he is at peace, has self control,
and is happy.
No doubt, his friends and fellow Christians
were worried about HIS health and soon coming
death by execution.
Paul told them to stop worrying about him
and the problems which he faced. He wrote, "…
Be careful for nothing …" or literally, "stop
worrying".
In verse seven he informed them that their
deep concern and thoughts about his well being
could be replaced by "… the peace of God,
which passeth all understanding ..." One may
wonder how this marvelous transformation from
Instruction From The Bible
23
an all consuming concern for him could be
changed into a peace which would calm their
minds and hearts? This marvelous transformation
took place in his followers when they took charge
of their thoughts and substituted proper thoughts
concerning Paul instead of giving in to their fears
and anxiety.
Listen to his exact command of substitution
"Think on these things." He writes, "Finally,
brethren, whatsoever things are true,
whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever
things are just, whatsoever things are pure,
whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things
are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if
there be any praise, think on these things. Those
things, which you have both learned, and
received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and
the God of peace shall be with you." Philippians
4:8-9
Whether one can understand these
Scriptures or not, these simple instructions reveal
that one can control his thoughts and be the victor
instead of the victim. Note, Let! It is something
one can do. Cast down is something one can do.
These same admonitions when obeyed and
practiced will bring peace to you who are suffering
through the long lonely nights.
Let this mind be in you or substitute other
thoughts for those dismal thoughts.
Cast down the imaginations of how all
alone you are and begin to take control of your
thoughts. This ability to control and to change
Healing Words for Lonely People
24
your thought pattern will enable you to overcome
your loneliness.
Instruction From The Bible
25
IV. Ingredients Which will
Change Loneliness into
Happiness
There are four practical ingredients which
will change one's life tremendously if
followed and practiced. These principles
will be PRESENTED UNDER THE
FOLLOWING OUTLINE:
FIRST: DO SOMETHING FOR
YOURSELF
SECOND: ENJOY YOUR FRIEND
THIRD: RESIST YOUR ENEMY
FOURTH: DO SOMETHING FOR
OTHERS
26
I. DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF
It is a biological fact that a person cannot
think two thoughts at the same time. The brain
cannot experience two emotions at the same time.
One cannot experience fear and joy at the same
moment. One cannot be happy and lonely
simultaneously.
Change The Dark Music
When you begin to experience lonely,
dismal thoughts then it is time to take control.
Substitute another experience by CHANGING
YOUR THOUGHT PATTERN. Instead of letting
the blue, lonely thoughts occupy your mind,
substitute enjoyment and happy thoughts by
reliving a pleasant experience in your
memory. Change the dark music which may be
playing on your mental stereo by substituting a
record of a happy experience stored in your
memory. Relive that special moment. As you
relive a happy experience from the past, take
special note to the detail of the person's clothes;
Visualize their hair style and note closely their
environment. Carefully examine all of the small
details by concentrating on every item. Be vivid in
visualizing every small detail stored there in your
memory. If your spouse has died, take your
thoughts off yourself and your problems - the
loneliness - of missing that loved one and
substitute thoughts of where that loved one is.
If one of your dearest loved ones moved to
Ingredients Which Will Change Loneliness into Happiness
27
a distant place and you had never been there, you
would find out as much as possible about that
place. You would inquire about its climate, unique
qualities, and features. You would find out all the
information about where that special person was
living. May we suggest that you do something
constructive concerning your departed loved one?
Read a book about heaven. Go to the library and
read materials about beautiful places, mountains
and scenery. Search the Scriptures about heaven.
Read them over and over again until some of the
details are in your mind. When you begin to have
lonely thoughts, make your brain begin to recall
these beautiful places. Picture yourself visiting
your loved one in his new mansion. Focus in on
the beauty and the special features of the mansion.
Concentrate on every detail. YOU CAN DO IT!
Use the marvelous mind which your Creator
placed within you. Recall the scenes about which
you have read or go back to some pleasant times
of the past; but refuse to accept the lonely
thoughts. When they come back into your mind
make yourself think of thoughts which will bring
comfort.
She Visualizes Making A Phone Call
A friend of mine whose husband worked
out of town spoke of her lonesomeness when her
husband was gone. She said that when she reached
a certain point of loneliness she would telephone
Healing Words for Lonely People
28
her husband. She would recount the phone ringing,
and then she would hear his warm, welcome voice.
She said she always received comfort and felt
better after their telephone conversation. "Now he
is in heaven", she said, "I see him there in his new
heavenly home. I visualize dialing his phone
number there. I see him picking up the phone and
then his warm greeting.” She said she would ask
him to tell her about his mansion - about how his
day went - his new friends, the Glory. She
concluded by saying, "Sometimes it is so real that
I almost feel his presence." Substitute the thoughts
of how lonely you are by replacing them with
thoughts of companionship. You can control your
mind! You may have to work at controlling your
thoughts but you can do it.
DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF by
substituting thoughts of companionship for the
thoughts of loneliness. You will notice an
improvement as you work at DOING
SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF.
Ingredients Which Will Change Loneliness into Happiness
29
YOUR FRIEND
"A friend loveth at all times …"
Proverbs 17:17
"… a friend that sticketh closer
than a brother."
Proverbs 18:24
"… for he [God] hath said, I will
never leave thee, nor forsake
thee."
Hebrews 13:5
Jesus promised, "… lo, I am with
you alway, even unto the end of
the world …"
Matthew 28:20
Healing Words for Lonely People
30
II. ENJOY YOUR FRIEND
If you are a Christian then enjoy the
closeness of your friend. Jesus promises never to
leave or forsake you. David, in the book of
Proverbs referred to the Lord as “… a friend that
sticketh closer than a brother.” One of my good
friends who has spent many years alone, suffering,
at times, great and continuous pain uses the verse
from Psalms which commands, "Be still, and
know that I am God …" to find comfort. There is
no one who has suffered the total rejection and
loneliness that Jesus suffered before and during the
crucifixion. He understands the consuming
loneliness that many endure.
Everyone, including God the Father,
forsook Him. He is your friend and is touched with
the feeling of your infirmities. He knows exactly
what you are going through and He is there with
you. In your loneliest times He is there with you.
He promised to be there. He cannot lie. You
cannot see Him, but He is there. You are in the
physical realm and He is in the spiritual realm.
Your eye sight is not tuned at this time to see Him,
but He is there!
If you did not have FM frequency on your
radio you could not pick up the beautiful stereo
music which is in the air, but it is there. There are
millions upon millions of molecules in the air. You
cannot see them but they are there.
Jesus too is there. He said He would never
leave you. You cannot see Him with your limited
Ingredients Which Will Change Loneliness into Happiness
31
vision but He is there. Use the wonderful gift of
imagination which God gave you in order to see
REALITY. He is there. Visualize Him there in
your room, sitting in the easy chair. By focusing
on the reality of His presence, you are
concentrating on the positive. You are using the
ability to imagine and use your faith. Sense His
presence. You are not alone. God loves you. He is
“… a friend that sticketh closer than a
brother.” You are shutting out your fears as you
accept the truth of God's Word and visualize His
presence. He is your friend. He is there so learn to
ENJOY THE CLOSENESS OF YOUR FRIEND.
Many do this all the time and it works. You will be
much happier as you learn to ENJOY YOUR
FRIEND.
People come and go,
Life has its ups and downs,
Seasons change;
But there is one absolute!!
God cannot lie!
He promises never to leave us alone.
Like a tender, loving parent, He faithfully
watches over you.
He loves and wants to help you. He is
there!
Healing Words for Lonely People
32
YOUR ENEMY
"Be sober, be vigilant; because
your adversary [enemy] the devil,
as a roaring lion, walketh
about, seeking whom he may
devour:"
I Peter 5:8
"… Resist the devil, and he will
flee from you."
James 4:7
“Above all, taking the shield of
faith [Bible], wherewith ye shall be
able to quench all the fiery darts
[thoughts] of the wicked [devil]."
Ephesians 6:16
Ingredients Which Will Change Loneliness into Happiness
33
III. RESIST YOUR ENEMY
The fear, the uncertainty and the lonely
feelings of being alone are real. Those thoughts are
in your mind but many of them are coming from
an outside source. They are coming from an
enemy! The Bible declares this reality. Mankind
has a real enemy. He is called by many names in
the Bible. The devil, Satan and the accuser are at
the top of the long list of names. Many people
even deny his existence, but as surely as the Bible
declares that there is a God, who loves mankind, it
also forcefully declares the fact of a literal devil.
There is as much evidence in the world for the
source of evil as there is for the love of God.
Your Enemy Is A Bully
In James 4:7 the Bible commands, "…
Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." This
command teaches that the devil is in reality the
town bully, instead of the all consuming monster
which cannot be controlled. Resist him and he will
run or flee. A bully picks on the defenseless, the
unsuspecting, the disabled, or the lonely. The devil
searches to find some lonely, defenseless victim to
torment. His method of attacking is by shooting
thoughts into one’s mind. Paul called these
thoughts "flaming arrows." In the book of
Ephesians he said to take the shield of faith, which
is the Word of God, to quench all the fiery darts of
the wicked one. When the devil attacked Jesus,
Healing Words for Lonely People
34
Jesus resisted him by using the Word of God as a
shield. He said, "It is written" and quoted a proper
verse and the devil was soon put to flight. The
lonely thoughts of worthlessness and despair are
thoughts the devil shoots into your mind. One is to
resist the attacks of the devil by claiming God's
promises of love, comfort and protection. One puts
the devil to flight by recognizing that he is
attacking and by resisting him through the
promises of God, which are found in the Bible.
You Have a Choice
When difficulties occur that threaten to
overwhelm you, you have a choice; you can
worry about what is happening or you can relax
and know God will take care of it. IT WILL NOT
benefit you or solve the problem by your fretting
about it. Rather, focus on God's ability and
promises instead of the problem.
The author would like to relate a story
about an old farmer who broke his habit of
smoking cigarettes.
He Got Mad, Mad Enough To Quit!
An old farmer who had used tobacco and
smoked cigarettes for 40 years found himself on
the back side of his farm one morning without his
"smokes." He had left them on the kitchen table.
Without thinking, he started walking directly
across the recently plowed ground toward the farm
Ingredients Which Will Change Loneliness into Happiness
35
house more than half a mile away. After laboring
through the loose soil for 50 to 60 yards he was
breathing heavily and he suddenly stopped his
walking. He was already exhausted and "his
smokes" were still half a mile away. Then he got
angry! Are those little bitsy cigarettes my boss?
Only a fool would walk half a mile across this
plowed ground for a "smoke". The more he
thought about it the madder he became. He
became more angry as he reasoned:
I am a slave to those things!
They control my life!
They cost me money!
They are ruining my health!
Look at me! I am puffing like I had run a
mile!
No more! No more!
Those little things are not going to make a
fool out of me any longer!
They are not going to dominate and ruin my
life!
He turned around and labored back across the
freshly plowed ground and got back on his tractor.
He quit smoking that day!! He became angry
enough to stop a bad habit and to take control of
his life once again.
Get Mad! That's right, get Mad! Get angry
enough to take control of your thoughts. They are
ruining your life far worse than cigarettes were
ruining the old farmer's life.
Recognize and resist your enemy, the devil.
Do not allow him to whisper those lonely thoughts
Healing Words for Lonely People
36
into your mind anymore. Take control and stop
being a helpless victim. You are the boss so take
control and act like it.
.
Review And Meditate
Now, before going on, stop and rethink the
first three principles:
First: Learn to substitute God's promise of love
and protection instead of thinking the thoughts of
loneliness.
Second: Learn to concentrate on the fact that Jesus
is there with you. Claim His promise. Learn to
visualize His presence.
Third: Learn to resist your enemy and he will flee
from you.
By following the admonitions of: Do
Something For yourself, Enjoy Your Friend and
Resist Your Enemy a person will go a long way
in overcoming and curing loneliness. But in order
to experience a complete cure and enjoy a growth
to a healthy, helpful life, one must learn to practice
one more principle, one must learn to Do
Something For Others.
Ingredients Which Will Change Loneliness into Happiness
37
MISS ME BUT LET ME GO
When I come to the end of life's road
And earth's sun has set for me
I want no tears in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me for a while, but not too long
And not with your head bowed low
Remember the blessings which we have shared
Miss me but let me go.
For this is a journey all must take
And each one must travel alone
Death is a part of the Master's plan
For me it is my final step home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to your friends which we know
And bury your sorrow in doing good deeds
Miss me - BUT LET ME GO.
You desire to be free and whole again
Remember the words I say
Go to your friends, help make them whole
Miss me- BUT LET ME GO.
Healing Words for Lonely People
38
IV. DO SOMETHING FOR OTHERS
God created each person for a purpose. He
wrote a manual for the human being revealing that
purpose and to teach him how to be productive and
happy. When a person begins to focus on self
aLONE, the result is LONEliness. Man was not
designed to be a receiver but a giver. One of the
great principles of life, found in Acts 20:35, is,
"… It is more blessed to give than to receive."
In order to overcome LONEliness one must take
his thoughts off self and focus on the needs of
others.
She Visited The "Old Folks Home"
My mother, a widow of thirty years, had on
her schedule each Thursday a time when she went
to what she called "the old folks home." It was a
convalescent home for the elderly. She was older
than most of the "old folks" who lived there, but it
kept my mother young as she ministered to others.
She spent two to four hours there with those
people each week.
Many times she would sit and talk to some
just to keep them company. She would clean
around the night stand for others. She would read
the Bible to some, especially those whose eye
sight was failing. She would often bake a cup cake
for the ones who might have had a birthday. She
would bathe the feverish brow of the sick with a
cool wash cloth. She worked with others to get
Ingredients Which Will Change Loneliness into Happiness
39
them out of their bed or wheelchair-out of their
loneliness-into the game room.
Week after week many would be ready to
rejoin others in the outside world by getting on the
church van and enjoying a class with other seniors
at a nearby Sunday School.
You may not be as mobile as my Mother
was, but there are many in worse condition than
you who need encouragement and prayer.
He Prayed For 113 Preachers Everyday
Dr. John R. Rice prayed for one hundred
and thirteen preachers by name everyday in
addition to praying for his family members and
close friends. In return God gave him poetry to
write which has enriched lives around the world.
Look Around You
Who needs encouragement and help? Make
a list of all your family and friends. Which one
needs a note of friendship and encouragement?
Who needs a phone call? There is someone who is
in worse condition than you. Maybe there is no
one who comes to mind at this time, but someone
will.
She Overcame Her Bereavement
Recently I heard a lady speak of how she
overcame her bereavement when she lost her
husband. “George had a lingering illness which
Healing Words for Lonely People
40
required constant care. I was by his side 24 hours a
day for months. When he died I felt all alone and
exhausted. There seemed to be nothing left. Then I
met a neighbor who was recovering from serious
surgery and needed assistance in learning to walk
again. Every day for four months I assisted her in
her exercises and therapy. This, doing something
for another, helped me a lot more than it helped
her.”
Can you join others in a project which will
help the less fortunate? Ask God to direct you. He
will direct you to someone or to a project which
will encourage and help others. He is obligated to
bring a purpose or a person into your life if you are
willing to Do Something For Others.
Get Up
That's right my dear friend, "get up." Get
your mind off yourself and your problems. There
is work to do. People need you. You are worth
while and can become an inspiration to others if
you will learn to Do Something For Others.
Insight On Visiting The Lonely
41
V. Insight on Visiting the Lonely
Follow the principles presented in this section
and you will establish a friendship and relationship
which you will treasure forever.
How To Visit A Person Who Lives Alone
The following will make your visit to the shutin
or person who lives alone more fruitful and
enjoyable, especially to the older person.
Many times a young adult who is a grandchild
visits a grandparent. After the visit, the older
person feels more lonesome and depressed than
before the visit. There is such a vast difference
between a young person who is up to date on
modern trends, sports, fashions and a person who
is almost two generations removed and who has
lost touch with a fast moving society. After
greeting the older person, and exchanging a few
limited remarks, the young people who are visiting
begin a conversation between themselves or they
set down and watch television. The older person
(Grandma), in order to show hospitality, offers to
fix a meal. After the meal the young people are
gone and the senior is lonelier than ever. She feels
more used than visited. The young people may
have been encouraged to leave the kitchen in a
mess by the persistence of "I'll get it later, because
I've have nothing better to do." The memory of the
visit will not be satisfying for either the visitor or
the one visited.
42
Simple Instructions
I instructed my children when they visited with
their Grandma to TALK WITH HER. If she
prepares a meal (which she always did) help her
by setting the table. When the meal is over,
without question, help clear the table and carry the
dishes to the sink, and then help her tidy up the
kitchen.
My Mother loved to play dominoes. When the
meal is over or you have a free moment, suggest a
game by saying something like, "Grandma, do you
feel like getting beat?" If this statement was made
to my Mother, she would already be at the chest
where she kept the dominoes and the game was
on!
Look At Her
When you are playing a game, look at her.
Talk with her and give her your personal attention.
In so doing she will receive the full benefit of the
visit. There is love and interaction between the
people involved in the game which bridges the
“generation gap.” There is a bonding which is
good for all. After the visit the young leave with a
desire to return. The older person is very likely to
walk them all the way to the car, savoring every
moment of the precious time together. If there is
no game, find something else to do. You may take
her for a drive into the country, or go shopping
with her. She may want to take a short walk with
Insight On Visiting The Lonely
43
you. Make a real effort to make her the center of
your attention.
Ask Her Questions
In order to bridge the generation gap use
your eyes to see things about her, like her
appearance or her home, worthy of compliment
and then compliment her. Use your lips to ask her
questions about her interests. Ask questions which
will keep her talking about the things and people
in which she enjoys discussing. Remember, it is
not important about your views or opinions. You
are there to fill a need in her life. You are there to
brighten up her day and life. Ask her questions
which will direct the conversation into positive
areas. Avoid conflicts or arguments. Be
sympathetic and loving as you ask questions which
will keep her talking. Some of the questions which
will bring quick response and enjoyment to her are
questions about her childhood school days, the
fashions when she was a girl or her first job. Ask
her about the different houses or places where she
lived.
Just Be Silent
Some days are lonelier than other days, and
if your visit catches her on one of her darker days
then become a good listener. Do not try to give
advice or strive to make her feel better. One should
respond to her feelings and not to her words. Look
into her face from time to time and give the
Healing Words for Lonely People
44
appropriate response. Your presence and closeness
will do her much more good than your words. One
of your greatest visits which may be the most
helpful and the one which will be treasured the
most is when you didn't say much. You silently
gave strength and comfort by just "being there."
Sit Directly In Front Of Her
When you converse with her, sit directly in
front of her or across from her so she will get the
point - I CAME TO VISIT WITH YOU, I CAME
TO TALK WITH YOU! Let her know that she
was the reason that you drove the distance that you
did and took the time for the visit. LET HER
KNOW THAT SHE IS IMPORTANT TO YOU
AND THAT YOU LOVE HER. Make the point,
YOU ARE A VERY SPECIAL PERSON TO ME!
On one occasion as my son Lyndol left
Grandma's house having been beaten soundly in
dominoes, she hugged him and whispered in his
ear, "Your dad raised you right," Today, even
though Grandma has been with the Lord for many
years, the older children often talk about the
precious times they had at Grandma's house.
Insight On Visiting The Lonely
45
NOW YOU PAUSE
I was regretting the past
and fearing the future.
Suddenly my Lord was speaking,
“My name is I AM.”
HE PAUSED…I WAITED...HE CONTINUED…
When you live in the past
with its mistakes and regrets,
It is hard. I am not there
my name is not, I was.
HE PAUSED…I WAITED...HE CONTINUED…
When you live in the future
with its problems and fears,
It is hard. I am not there
my name is not, I will be.
HE PAUSED…I WAITED...HE CONTINUED...
But when you live "this moment"
It is not hard.
I am here
my name is, I AM.
Now you pause
He is waiting
Your friend, I AM
NOW, BE COMFORTED BY, I AM.
Author's Note: "I AM" is the name God chose for
Himself and it denotes His ever presence.
Healing Words for Lonely People
46
VI. Invitation to a Friend
Perhaps, as you have read these instructions
and practical principles you have been helped, but
there is STILL something missing. Something is
still wrong. You do not have the peace which you
long to have.
You strive to be a good person and you
believe in God but something is lacking. You are
even religious and belong to a church, and with the
passing of a loved one and the difficulties which
you have faced you have begun to work harder at
being a Christian. But in spite of everything you
do; in spite of all your prayers and tears, you do
not have the assurance you long for.
There may be someone who openly
confesses, "I do not know this friend Jesus you
keep talking about.”
Would you like to know Him?
Would you like for Him to become a friend
who will never leave you nor forsake you?
Would you like to have a deep seated peace
and assurance that Jesus is your personal Saviour
and will receive you into heaven someday?
There is a Scripture in the book of
Revelation, last book of the Bible, which pictures
Jesus standing at your heart's door. Listen to Him
as He speaks in Chapter 3 and verse 20:
"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any
man [person] hear my voice, and open the door,
I will come in..."
The uncertainty and emptiness which one
47
feels is God's way of showing a person of their
need. Jesus wants to come in and fill that vacuum
and give peace and assurance. He is standing at
your heart's door and longs to come in and be your
friend and Saviour.
Why don't you just ask Him to come in? He
said, if any would open their heart’s door and say,
"Come in Jesus...I will come in,
Please note the rest of the verse. "… I will come
in to him, and will sup with him, and he with
me." Sup means He will come and be your friend
and have fellowship with you. He will replace that
loneliness with joy. He will replace that
uncertainty with confidence and assurance. He will
replace that emptiness with fullness, that fear with
love -- that unfulfilling religion with satisfying
salvation. It is a free gift, and all God requires is
for one to turn from their sins, honestly confess
their need and receive and trust Jesus as their
Saviour.
Now just bow your head and invite Jesus to
come into your heart. He wants to…, He will…if
you will only invite Him to come in.
JUST SAY…
“Dear Jesus, please come in… I receive
you as my Saviour and friend…”
Healing Words for Lonely People
48
SAFELY HOME
I am home in Heaven, dear ones,
Oh, so happy and so bright,
There is perfect joy and beauty
In this everlasting light.
All the pain and grief are over,
Every restless tossing passed.
I am now at peace forever,
Safely home in Heaven at last.
Then you must not grieve so sorely
For I love you dearly still,
Try to look beyond earth’s shadows,
Pray to trust our Father’s will.
There is work still waiting for you,
So now you must not idly stand.
Do it now while life remaineth,
Soon you shall rest in Jesus’ land.
When that work is all completed
He will gently call you home;
Oh! The rapture of that meeting
Oh! The joy to see you come.
(Author Unknown)